What Halloween Makes Me Think

Two main points:

1. Fascination with otherness.

Once a year our culture, in its entirety, embraces the opportunity to be someone else. I have noticed recently that the people whose favorite holiday is halloween are people who have admitted before and bemoaned the fact that they spent a lot of time not fitting in, or belonging. What a beautiful chance to dress in the skin of the fantasied and imagined.

2. Terror and death

I think there is no better manifestation of our society's massive trembling fear of death than Halloween. Zombies, Draculas, Ghosts, Ghouls, Slutty Nurses... Children revel in getting the shit shaken out of them, Adults flock to theaters to watch the latest gore-fest/disappointing psychological fake documentary fest. Fear. We want it because we feel it because we fear death as a culture. This is probably not news to anyone but I was struck by it hard last night walking around observing the youthful scavenging of sugar bites.

(3. holy shit it's november.)

((I want to do NaNoWriMo this year but I feel that I must focus. True focus. Single-minded, neglect plenty of things, focus. Hectic Glow is on the way. And I believe in it.))

Approach.

Something is coming. Something painful; something beautiful. I don't know why I know this but I do.

It was more than just the wind tonight and more than the coy patter of rain splattering on the windows. Everybody seemed tired today. Employees, customers, strangers criss-crossing along the highway. There was a lot of caution in the way people moved and spoke. Maybe it's the crash that comes from a slavish week of work. Maybe it's the crash the comes from a long year. The veil is thinning. The veil is thinning.

Something is coming. Something painful; something beautiful. I saw it in the face of the one I love -- a teardrop. I watched that tear stretch and scrawl down her face, like a bead of liquid diamond. This morning she swerved (protected) around a shadow. Her car spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and she was protected. I am among the blessed every single day but today there is more blessing than I can grab and hold in my arms.

What is coming? 

Who Doesn't Love Lists?

Muse (In the Lights)
Ancestor Bone/Cry Devil
Riot
La Mer
Comedian, Hypnotist, Priest
The Disappearance of Arthur Frost
Hectic Glow
Greenman & the Harvest


Dan offerred to let us record some songs for free...that could be an exciting thing.

Starting somewhere.

I could write this article a few different ways.

There's the self-promotion version: If you missed this show then you missed the best thing ever!! And then, there's the honest account:

I have high expectations, always. Playing music, I have the highest expectations of not just myself or the band members but of the sound personnel and the crowd and the people running the venue and every single person involved. It isn't always rational, but it's the way of things and I rarely fight it. Did the first live performance of this new project meet my expectations? Yeah. It was exactly what I thought it would be.

Now, It's been a lot of fun working through these songs and putting them together this last month or so and it's always fun to play these songs, partly because they're new and different from anything I've played before but also because I have the fortune of knowing and being friends with good musicians. We've had fewer full band practices than is reasonable but we all believe in these songs and what they say and where they can go. All those factors, however, do not dissolve the plaque of stress and anxiety that's been sedimenting in my mind leading up to the show.

Here's a tip, bands, for your first show: don't run your own sound.

Unless you have great monitors and a friend who can watch your sound board, focus on playing music, that's it. I am not saying that our sound was bad but it added another layer of responsibility to what we were doing. We were responsible for setting up, sound-checking, not having enough time to soundcheck well and run through songs, and then perform the songs. It's really not that burdensome; it just distracts. If an instrument is too loud, or the vocal blend isn't balanced, it takes you out of the world you're creating, the energy of things. And that is often noticed.

Perhaps music should be as it has been for most of its history -- acoustic (as in no electricity). Perhaps the hunt for a powerful sound introduces a sonic element that is harder to control, convoluting what should be a natural extension of the artist. As much as I hate to boil things down to control, professional musicianship is an art of control that's a whole 'nother article.

The last thing to do, ever in a band, is to blame someone; so I'll blame myself. Shame on you, Jake, for getting so anxious and stressed about something so simple and beautiful. It is a pleasure to play music with friends, a privilege. I hope I never take it for granted. Playing in a band is much more than accurate reproduction of music. Playing in a band is more than an image and a sound. Playing in a band is creating micro-community that shares a vision and a story. Are there parts of the music we need to work on? Yeah. Are there things to celebrate about what we did? For sure. Are we going to blow minds? I believe deeply in this.

P.S. Playing in a band is also about going to La Herradura afterwards and being challenged to drink a 34 oz. Blue Moon that you'll before your 12 oz.-and-22 oz.-drinking rhythm section. 

Breathtaking

Shroud me in snow, in casket-clouds
Oh winter!
                 I am yours
The breathtaking wind blows
Silent but for the trembling
In my throat

My love took winter's hand
Winter took my love away

Fall fell too quickly
So I asked the Spring to hurry
Winter spills so thick
                                like night
Bury the world
In a suit of white

The grace of snow, stars sink
and ring around the chimney smoke
My love lay perfected
A statue draped in white-rose-petal-skin

My love took winter's name
Winter took my love away

Fall fell too quickly

So I asked the Spring to hurry

Winter spills so thick

                                like night

Bury the world 

In a suit of white

Winter's deep is undisturbed

Sleep,

Love,

Drift away.

A Loss of Understanding

Here's the deal: I am deeply confused by life at this moment.  One might ask, 'Aren't you always?"  And the correct response to that is yes, I am.  But right now I am as lost as ever.  But lost isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Lately, I have been having dreams about people I know (and don't know), and then when I wake up those people happen to appear that day.  Sometimes they're even the first people I see.

Lately, I've been writing more songs than have ever been possible for me to write in a year, all within the span of a couple months.  This excites me.  It also concerns me that every song is going to suck...which leads to the next interesting puzzle piece.

Today, just now in fact, Liz left for work and then came back immediately to deliver me a letter; there was no return address.  I opened the letter and it was addressed:  Dear Present Jake.  The content of the missive was a small collection of encouraging ideas and personal meditations.  The letter was written by Future Jake.

Now.  I am not one for too much unreasonable foolishness, so I have to wonder who actually wrote this letter.  I would love to believe that it is from my future self but I am certain that there is no hope for my handwriting, because whoever penned that letter writes neatly.  This letter brings to my attention features of myself which I, while aware of them, try to either ignore or accept as fixed structures.  Am I such a mess?

The most bewildering thing!?  Liz's Grandfather gave me his old Crown Victoria yesterday.  He gave me a car.  It was his birthday yesterday too.  How can anyone deserve such kindness and luck?  How can such a debit be repaid to the universal store of energy?  How can I live more graciously and gracefully?

This Meal brought to you by Five Points' CSA

Thai Peanut Basil Tofu w/ Garlic Green Beans and Golden Cherry Tomatoes.

For the Tofu:
2 thumbs of ginger (or just one if you're Andre the Giant)
1 big clove garlic
1 tbsp. plum vinegar**
1/3 cup tamarind juice***
1 tbsp. sesame oil
1 tbsp. brown sugar or agave
3 tbsp. peanut oil
1/3 cup peanut butter
1/4 - 1/3 cup water
1 block extra firm tofu.  (I use Twin Oaks because it's localer than other things and has a great texture.)
1 handful Basil leaves.

Sauce
THROW it all in a blender or food processor.  If you don't have either, then grate or mince the ginger, mince the garlic and whisk it all together in a bowl.  You can make that ahead of time and fridge it, or make it right before hand.

**I only have plum vinegar because it was on mad discount at Organic Food Depot.  If you don't have it, I would use rice vinegar and a little soy sauce.  Notice that there isn't any salt or soy sauce in that recipe.  That's because the plum vinegar is heavily salted, so if you don't use plum, make sure you add some sea salt or soy sauce, otherwise it might be a bit bland.

***The tamarind juice is from soaking fresh tamarind in hot water.  If using tamarind, you'll want a golf ball sized lump.  If you can't get fresh tamarind, you can get tamarind concentrate or paste at most international grocers.  Be warned though, you only need a teaspoon or so of the concentrate.  If you can't or don't want to get tamarind, it's hard to substitute but I would suggest squeezing in some fresh lime juice.

Tofu
1). SLICE the tofu like this:

2). HEAT a skillet between Low and Medium and put the slices in.  The goal is to let them heat slowly, without oil, in order to remove the excess water.  This method also can give the tofu a crispy brown crust, and again without oil.  This step can be omitted in exchange for your favorite method of preparing tofu.

3). CUT the tofu again, except this time into cubes.

Put it together
1). Throw the basil, tofu cubes and sauce in the same skillet you used before, and cook on medium high until the sauce thickens to your liking.  Yum.

(Spicy if you want) Garlic Green Beans and Tomatoes
2 cups fresh green beans
2 cups fresh cherry or grape tomatoes
1 tbsp. crushed garlic OR 2 cloves finely minced
1 tbsp. your favorite high temperature oil (peanut or canola or coconut)
1 tbsp. soy sauce
1 tsp. - 1 tbsp. crushed chili flakes or sriracha (optional but highly suggested.  just do it)

1). HEAT oil in wok or frying pan on ludicrously high setting and throw everything in.
2). COOK and stir and cook and stir until vegetables get roasty and dark colored.  When the tomatoes start bursting and their sauce bubbles, you are done!

Serve meal with basmati rice or jasmine or whatever you like.  Enjoy.